My classes started a couple of days back. My schedule is pretty evenly spread out with Friday as my lax day with just one class. 3 physics, one math and an honors class with a PE badminton looks like a weird mix but I am going to see how it works out.

My RA duties have already kicked in. I am taking care of the work orders that my residents have and I am socializing and making sure they are all doing ok. We are going to paint our floor and the theme’s Cave Paintings. It should be interesting to say the least. Well, I came up with the idea and they went with it.

And Andi.. Things are definitely more complex now. We are hanging out a lot and we are now somewhere in between friendship and relationship. She is thinking about what she wants and I am waiting for her decision because the rest of our time here depends on it. I talked to her a lot about a lot of things that I wanted her to think about. Also I told her a lot of things that I had bottled up inside me. I don’t know what to expect from her “pondering” about us.

Andi and me broke up a couple of nights back. I knew it was coming and she knew that it would happen soon. The relationship lacked the most important thing needed for it to work. Mutual love. She didn’t like me the way I liked her. She liked me more like a friend than a boyfriend. What can I say? There is nothing I can do to make her feel the way I would like her to feel. And both of us gave up on the relationship during summer but didn’t vocalize it enough for a breakup. And so we broke up right after I told her that I loved her. Didn’t expect it to end so quickly after the three words. These lyrics are what always came to mind when I thought about her and how she felt about me.

It was good to talk to my parents about this. It just feels like this huge gaping empty hole in my heart. She was a person I could always fall back on and now that feeling is gone. I don’t know what to do around her anymore. I don’t know what I want. I want to get over her since she made it ample clear there is no chance of us dating again in the future. I want someone to like/love me and care about me the way I care about them. That’s all I want. Is that too much to ask?